Self worth wasn’t a topic I thought about for much of my life. Consequentially, I had very low self worth. I felt like I constantly had to prove myself, by being better, being smarter, making more money, having solid achievements in my life, etc. etc. This left me feeling constantly insecure.
When I started to turn my life around, I was making things happen that I felt were amazing, but I still never felt complete. I caught myself looking for other people’s approval and when I didn’t get it, I felt horrible.
I saw a meme around this time that changed my thinking. In retrospect, it was completely ridiculous but for some reason it spoke to me.
It was a picture of a young business man smiling huge for some unknown reason.
The caption said, “Think of that one person in your life that you love and would do anything for no matter what… Now have that person be you.”
I had never thought of it that way, or even realized that was a relationship I could have with myself. Yet that silly little meme completely changed my thinking.
Prior to this I simply couldn’t fathom the idea of liking and appreciating myself. It seemed conceited and wrong.
I was very guilty of a different thinking that said I was supposed to give all my love to somebody else. To do anything less would be selfish.
This meant that by extension I needed and expected somebody else to come along and give all their love to me. Thus my whole sense of worth would be tied to this interplay. I was giving love to get love. I needed this reciprocity to be whole.
I realized what an winnable situation this created. One, why am I seeking validation from others when I can create it for myself? And two, if this is really the situation I'm in, my offer of love to somebody else was shallow at best.
The realization forced me to reckon with what I actually thought of myself in a way that was long overdue.
Have you always understood your own worth, or did you have to figure it out too?
I’m going to be hosting a mini-workshop on the topic of “Believing In Your Own Worth” this Thursday at 1pm. It’s free and over Zoom. If you’re interested, I’d love to have you join.